Saturday, June 27, 2009

Slow Fade



Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 4:23

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil. Cling to what is good.
Romans 12:9

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
2 Timothy 2:22

This is love for God: to obey his commands.
1 John 5:3

The more I give up of the world the more I am convicted of the things I still cling to.

Why do I cling to what is evil? Why do I toe the line? Why do I see just how far I can get? Just how much I can get away with? The bare minimum of righteousness I can live with?

Where is my love for God? Where is my desire for Him? Where is my passion? Where is my faith?

How did I get here? How do I go back? How do I love God? Truly honestly completely with all of my heart mind soul strength love God?

Where did we start to fade?

I want to play Mass Effect. I have been convicted that I am not to play that game. This is my personal conviction, I'm not condemning anyone who has played that game, I'm just telling you all so that I will have some extra accountability in this area. It's incredibly tempting for me. How stupid is that? Why is it so hard? Why is obeying God so difficult? This is not just about a video game... by the way... ;-) I'm just using it as an example in my life where, despite the blatant "stop sign" I've received from God, I want to plow on ahead anyway even though I know it is so not worth it.

But you know what? Maybe it starts with a video game. Or a movie. Or a book. Or a relationship. Maybe it starts with that still small voice telling you to just back away, turn around, and flee for goodness sake. Even though it looks harmless. Even though it seems okay. It's not that bad. It's just a little thing. But it's the beginning. It's where you begin to fade.

I feel as though I'm hanging on by my fingernails, He's going to have to frap me together, 'cause I'm losing it, friends.

It's not just me. One of my closest friends, my sister, is so discouraged, she is this close to losing heart and I have no idea what to do. I am so scared because I've seen how far she's come, she's never loved God like this before and I can't see her lose the fight. I can't see her give in. Don't let the fire die.

Today is the day. Do not harden your hearts. While it is still called Today, cling to God. Turn away. Is it really worth it? Gwen, is it really worth it? (yeah, I'm talking to myself.... it's okay, I hope...)

I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God.
Isaiah 11:19,20

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